The beginnings of econobonics

2006-01-29T14:45:00.000-08:00

Throw up all over
Desc: Used to describe the the unhappiness of one party with another party's deliverables.
Users: Middle managers who are presenting a subordinates report/idea to upper management
Example: Holy Christ! Look at this margin degradation! Paxton over in Purchasing is going to throw up all over this.
Type: nausea

Put them in the funnel
Desc: Used to describe the process of limiting the amount or filtering a group of objects.
Users: Sales, marketing and consultants
Example: The solution is simple Johnson. We will just put them in the funnel and cherry pick the top deals.
Type: spice, fluff, filler, East coast

Open the faucet
Desc: Used to describe the process starting a proposed project.
Users: Sales, marketing and consultants
Example: It looks like we need a record finish. Peters, we need to open the faucet up for Bill's "E"-Spam sales campaign.
Type: spice, fluff, filler, East coast

From womb to tomb
Desc: Used to describe the entire life cycle of a project.
Users: Marketing
Example: Paxton! I thought I told you that you owned this project from womb to tomb!
Type: nausea, East coast

Scope Creep
Desc: Used to describe a project/meeting losing its initial focus.
Users: All
Example: Our meeting went over the estimated time because of the blasted scope creep.
Type: mystery, West coast

The throttle
Desc: Used to describe a person in charge or something
Users: All
Example: Holy crap Walters! If we can't find out who has the throttle on this Mullet project we are going to be in hot hell water.
Type: Fluff, East Coast

Double-click
Desc: Used to describe the act of obtaining additional information on a subject
Users: Non computer savvy or Marketing
Example: Melba, can you give me the double click on the MarcEx meeting today? I missed it due to gastrointestinal issues.
Type: Fluff, West coast

Skunks on the table
Desc: Used to describe the act of sharing all negative issues.
Users: Time wasters
Example: Okay, Okay. I know we all have our disagreement about the developer's new frankensteined bill pay product. Lets just put all of our skunks on the table and see if we can hide our doubts from the CEO.
Type: Fluff, Gulf coast

Red light/Green light
Desc: A phrase used to indicate that there is a yes/no decision to be made
Users: Sales
Example: Throckmorten, where is that analysis to determine the red light/green light of our "Sell all of Hell" campaign.
Type: Fluff
Go/No go
Desc: see above

Slideware
Desc: Material deemed to be good enough to be presented on an overhead projector.
Users: Sales and Marketing
Example: Holy Crap Thrombosis! What an eye chart! This isn't slideware!? Did you use a 4 point font or something?.
Type: cutting edge, West coast

At the end of the day
Desc: Overused prepositional phrase to symbolize where we want to be when all is said and done.
Users: All
Example: At the end of the day, we want to have a net/net good guy hit to our opex...fully burdened of course.
Type: Filler

From a(n) [Enter subject here] perspective
Desc: Another overused preposition phrase to help establish which part of the speaker's brain is doing the talking.
Users: All
Example: From a janitor's perspective, a clean and responsible sales staff is a good thing.
Type: Fluff, Filler

Straw man
Desc: Used to describe a mockup or draft of an unfinished product.
Users: All
Example: Sandram, do you happen to have a straw man of that new E-tail B2B appliance integrated web page?
Type: confuser
Contagion: low
Repetition: low

Kick the Tires
Desc: Used describe the testing of a project
Users: All
Example: Peterson is going to kick the tires on his new Data munch Crunch model.
Type: Fluff, East coast

Pull the trigger
Desc: Used in place of 'do it'
Users: All
Example: We need to pull the trigger on the new revenue recognition project. Otherwise, corporate is going to beat the holy crap out of us.
Type: Fluff, East coast

On a go forward basis
Desc: Used to replace "going forward"
Users: All
Example: Sergio! Jesus Mary mother of christ! On a go forward basis we need to have the new cover sheets on ALL of your fargen TPS reports that go out! Purchasing just chewed me a new one.
Type: Fluff

Crack the code
Desc: Used to describe the process of figuring something out.
Users: All
Example: For Christ's sake, Karp. If we can't crack the code on this internet BE appliance issue then our. asses will be in slings.
Type: Fluff

Move the needle
Desc: The act of developing/doing something that make a significant difference.
Users: All
Example: We need to get some people in here that can actually move the needle on this, Thompson. I recommend we bring in some more MBA.
Type: Fluff

Sanity check
Desc: The act of checking a report or data to make sure it makes sense (similar to Eyes squared test).
Users: All
Example: Jesus mother and Joseph! Reichman, who let Teetaft's report go out without a sanity check??!! You know he's about as bright as a number 2 pencil!
Type: Fluff

Peel the onion
Desc: Digging into something to reveal more details/issues/problems.
Users: All
Example: Once we have visibility to our sales by prefix, we will be able to peel the onion even further and figure out why blondes aren't buying SCSI drives.
Type: Garden Fluff

Eyes squared test
Desc: Quickly looking over a report/code/data to make sure no errors stick out (two eyes used)
Users: All
Example: Bradson, if that P&L came form Cackdon's group I want you to give it the eyes squared test. He was holy flicken of 2.3 trillion off last quarter.
Type: Fluff

Burn the boats
Desc: Used to describe an all or nothing approach. ie. sending you bombers out without enough fuel to come home.
Users: Marketing
Example: Holy freakin' Christ Fosters! We are only 80% of our plan on the last week of the quarter! We are going to have to tell sales to burn the boats this week.
Type: Maritime

Grease the skids
Desc: An action used to increase the likelihood that someone will perform/complete an action.
Users: Marketing
Example: Someone is going to have to grease the skids over in Ops if we ever want to get our hyper-global-appliance-dot-fish-net application ready for market by COB.
Type: Fluff

Bring to market
Desc: A term stolen from the agricultural world to symbolize rolling out a report/process.
Users: Marketing
Example: Dr. Hfuhruhurr, once you finish up that new "E"-coccyx regeneration program, let's run it by the chiefs to see if they want to bring it to market.
Type: Medieval

Warm body
Desc: Used to deceive a unidentified person to fill a fuzzy position
Users: Marketing
Example: Hell Sanders, if we don't get some warm bodies in here very soon, we are going to be severely bandwidth challenged in the coming quarters.
Type: Medieval

High School Solution
Desc: Hiring cheap high school students in place the more expensive and usually more inept college graduates
Users: Developers
Example: You know Sanders, now that I think of it. Why should we get high priced college punks when we can opt for an HSS, or High School Solution. Quick, get me Myers on phone and wrastle up some exploitable labor.
Type: Script Kiddie

Bandwidth
Desc: Non-technicals favorite term to describe how much time they have or do not have.
Users: Strictly marketing Ejemplo: Hijo de la fregada Hinajosa! No tengo el 'Bandwidth' para este 'B2C' projecto! Dalo a el juebon in Serguros. El nunca tiene nada en su plato.
Example: Son of a 'fregada hinajosa! I don't have the bandwidth for this B2C project! Give to the lazy guy in Insurance. He never has anything on his plate.
Type: annoying

Guardrail to Guardrail
Desc: Going from one extreme to the other. Very erratic behavior within a given range.
Users: Marketing, Finance
Example: E-gads Preston! How in the hell to expect to run a successful Edible Underwear E-tail enterprise if your margins have been guardrail to guardrail for the past 2 months!
Type: Fluff

Radar Screen
Desc: Used to describe what is important to an individual at a given point in time.
Users: Marketing, Finance
Example: Get over here Shafton. Why in Hades are you working on that E-Tell-O-Biz-dot-Boink? That is a sales push. It should not even be on your radar screen!
Type: Techno

Put it on the treadmill and see if it will move the needle on the Geiger counter
Desc: Holy Crap!
Users: Only one individual has dared to say this beast.
Example: Well team, I have no idea how the "E"-goat farm is going to pan out. I suggest we Put it on the treadmill and see if it will move the needle on the Geiger counter.
Type: idiocy

Talk to it (inanimate object)
Desc: The act of explaining something. Very irritating since whatever is being talked to has no means of hearing.
Users: Finance, Marketing
Example: Dr. Evil, In the meeting today, are you going to talk to the world domination plan or are you talk to the invention of your "Laser Beam"?
Type: inane

Good guy
Desc: A number/project that will cause in increase in value.
Users: Finance, Accounting
Example: Oh what a joyous occasion for the drones down in Sector 7-G. This new screw top reactor be a definite good guy to their nuclear cross charge OpMarcEx line.
Type: cops and robbers

Bad Guy
Desc: A number/project that will cause in decrease in value.
Users: Finance, Accounting
Example: Ackbar's new plan is whack. it will definitely create a bad guy on our balance sheet.
Type: cops and robbers

On the same page
Desc: Used to describe the fact that everyone is think in a similar manner about something.
Users: Marketing, Sales
Example: Oh hell Bolton, you and I need to be on the same page with this SAN/WAN/LAN solution. We seem to be locking horns while looking for the needle in the haystack.
Type: Fluff

Out of pocket
Desc: To be unavailable, out of office.
Users: Econobonic rookies. This is usually the first Econobonic phrase a person will use.
Example: Yeeeeaaah, I'm not sure can do that at this juncture, Smykowski. I'm going to be out of pocket for the rest of the morning...mmmmkay?
Type: rookie
History: This phrase used to mean that you were going to have to pay for something out of your own pocket, but some strange leap of logic was made.

Float the balloon
Desc: Making an idea public to see what the overall response will be.
Users: Marketing
Example: Sweet mother of pearl, Jenkins! The big man doesn't know about out "E"-conoverse yet? You'd better get out there and float that balloon before we both get to take a long walk off of a short pier!
Type: Helium

In my back pocket
Desc: Phrase to let someone else know that they have the approval a person or group.
Users: Marketing
Example: What is the hold up Flestein? If you are afraid Pimpleton over in logistics?? Hells Fire man! Don't fret him. We have him in our back pocket.
Type: Fluff

fwd:Joke or ILOVEYOU
Desc: Used to measure the average intelligence of a Micosoft Outlook user in a company Method: A message is distributed by email. It looks innocent and there are usually 2 to 3 hundred of these in a users inbox. Since everyone is sending them...they must be safe!
Type: sneaky

Data Leech
Desc: A person who takes the work of another, changes the font type, adds a header and footer and presents the work as his/her own
Users: Lazy. Usually good BS artists. Sales
Example: Uh oh! Here comes that sneaky data leech Flavio from Operations. Quick, hide the results from your new Intellibrick fuzzy logic model. He looks like he is deparate for some slidware to present at the next staff meeting.
Type: Slimy

Wind at our backs
Desc: Working towards a goal under favorable conditions.
Users: Marketing
Example: Unbelievable johnson! Even without the wind at our backs we are going be able to show sequential incremental growth, quarter over quarter, from a sales rev/margin perspective.
Type: Aviation

Paddling upstream
Desc: Working towards a goal under unfavorable conditions. Best if used in conjunction with 'Wind at out backs'.
Users: Marketing
Example: Ever since we rolled out our new e-tail infomediation solutions, we have been paddling upstream to to get out of the black. Someone's head is going to roll for this.
Type: outdoorsman

Grab hold, hang on, because we are moving at 100mph
Desc: Used to symbolize something fast paced. Usually used when no fast pace exists.
Users: unknown, sales, cheerleaders
Example: Okay team, I know we have been stringing you along with fictitious options and party rooms, but this time i want everyone to grab hold, hang on because we are going to be moving at 100mph this quarter!
Type: smoke and mirrors

Report monkey
Desc: Used to describe a person with some type of college degree, moderate spreadsheet skills and excellent attendance
Users: Report monkeys
Example: Hounds of hell! When are they going to backfill Schroeder? Hell, any report monkey could do the job with little ramp time.
Type: skill set

T-bone
Desc: An mythical character/solution which was believed to be the conqueror of all action items.
Users: All
Example: This program that Sanders put together is a phenomenal piece of caribou dung. Flaker, I want you to draw up a T-bone solution that will get us out of this death spiral.
Type: folklore

Fully baked/baked
Desc: All applicable values/variables have been included.
Users: Finance
Example: What a crock of hell Myers! this P+L cannot possible be fully baked. Did you include the margin from our "E"-toxic blizzard zeolite desktop?
Type: Culinary

Pushing jello up a hill
Desc: Symbolizes a difficult task to accomplish
Users: Marketing
Example: You want me to sell complete integrated mouse and keyboard solution to the Penguins of America? That is going to be like pushing jello up a hill! Penguins do not have fingers or opposable thumbs. They rely on a flippers as a mobility solution. Voice recognition would be an easier sell.
Type: skillset

Soup to nuts
Desc: Used to descibe something in its entirety
Users:All
Example: Thinagaran, Can you explain your new "E"-drag racer ISP Vortal to the folks from IPO-R-Us? They want to know the whole shabang. From soup to nuts.
Type: dinner

Off-load
Desc: Descibe the act of dumping ones work on another person/thing.
Users: Finace, Marketing
Example: Sweet Peter of Frampton Dungrid! That cold fusion analysis you are working on is a complete waste of time. Holy coal is king, boy! Why don't you off-load that to Jasper over in Purchasing.
Type: construction

20-20 vision
Desc: Describes a situation in which all variable can be seen to make a good decision.
Users:Finance
Example: I don't know Sandcaster. If I knew we had 20-20 vision on this whole 'Internet' thing, I would approve your proposal. However, I don't think the world is ready to have 'Stock quotes' or 'Horoscopes' at their fingertips.
Type: ophthalmologist-esque

Put a cork in it
Desc: A phrase used to let a person or goup of people that they need to keep quiet.
Users: Management, dot com CEOs
Example: Mother of magma Nagarathinam! I have heard that you have been leaking out critcal HTML secrets. You had better put a cork in it mister, or you may get a tea party invitation from H-E-double hockey sticks.
Type: Vinyard

Broad brush
Desc: A general description about a specific report, data or process.
Users:Finance
Example: Oh crappers to that, I don't need the details, just give me a broad brush of your "B2B as Integration Technology for Real Property Industry?s E-Procurement Solution" project.
Type: Matisse, East coast

Touch base
Desc: People or peoples getting together to discuss a certain something.
Users:All
Example: Throngfort, I need you and Jenkins to touch base on G-Log and "E"-Money's New Integration Standard for Internet-based Logistics. I believe G-Log has gone insane.
Type: East coast

Make whatever hot dogs you want out of it
Desc: I guess you can make whatever hot dogs you want out of this phrase
Users:
Example: Well damn hell damn, Prosthestin! I gave you last quarter's "Igor the Internet Jock" sales figures a week ago. You can make whatever hot dogs you want out of it.
Type: food stuffs, services sector, gulf coast

One foot in the coffin and one foot on a banana peel
Desc: Used to descibe a person/thing that is not favored by the gods at that particular moment.
Users: anyone creative with coffin type phrases
Example: Oh the humanity of it all, Fosters! Why do you keep putting your butt on the line for that Quagmeyer? everyone knows that he's got one foot in the coffin and the other on a banana peel.
Type: Gulf coast, fruit counter

That dog'll hunt
Desc: Signifies that someone/something has an idea/solution that will do the job
Users: Earl's Feed Store marketing or Sales Dept
Example: Hells fire 'n tarnation, Cleetus. I like that new-fangled idea you got about selling mah crops over that there fancy shmancy box net thing. I do believe that dog'll hunt.
Type: Gulf coast, bloodhound

Put that one/[subject] to bed
Desc: Used to indicate that an issue/project has been resolved/finished.
Users: All of us who really want to be sleeping
Example:Its about time we could put that "Swatch Watch Internet on a Pogostick" to bed. Its too bad Clancy, Babadon and Recktorn had to get the axe in the process. They were a swell drinking crew.
Type: East Coast, Simmons Beautyrest

Let's take that offline
Desc: A polite way off saying: That is not the topic of the discussion, you idiot. Wait until we can talk about it without wasting everyone else's precious time.
Users: Non-technical
Example: Moustaffah, this is neither the time nor the place to discuss your unnatural infatuation with object oriented languages. You and I had better take that offline over a couple of drinks at Mr. Henry's Bar and Grill.
Type: 300 baud, West Coast

Boil the ocean
Desc: Used to describe an impossible task due to its size/scope.
Users: visionary thermodynamics types
Example: Hell's bells O'mastrics! Instead of trying to boil the ocean with your "Internet on every watch" solution, why don't you focus on getting me some black coffee and a fricken' danish.
Type: Bunsen burner

Fish to fry
Desc: Used as a placeholder for a given responsibily/obligation
Users: All
Example: I really don't have the bandwidth to to put your project on my radar screen, Dr. Guggenheim. I have far bigger fish to fry than you, wee man.
Type: Culinary, East coast

Solution
Desc: A word added to pratically an other work to make it sound more interesting/important than it really is.
Users: Desperate/uncreative/lemming
Example: Desendorf, we need a new copy solution for our department. Go see if those tight wads in purchasing will let us get that new 1ppm color Xerox.
Type: West Coast, superlative

Thronging
Desc: To crowd into or upon
Users: This has never been used as an econometric but it certainly should be.
Example: Great balls of fire, Tsubaki! Look at all of the sales folks thronging that buffet table. They appear to be devouring the chips and queso solution.
Type: prototype

Back of the envelope
Desc: A quick analysis of something.
Users: Finance
Example: Cripes, Thimplehorn! I don't need a full blown, baked and burdened P+L, Just give me the something on the back of an envelope.
Type:postal

It smells bad right out of the shoe
Desc: Nothing good can come out of that particular idea/statement
Users: All
Example: Crapsters Harkden! I am not really sure of what bull you are trying to feed me at this particular moment but it smells bad right out of the shoe.
Type:bad odors

Sniff test (preferred) / smell test
Desc: Yet another phrase to replace the word "OK" or "Test"
Users: All
Example: Balls Smitters! How could this project fail? I though you gave it the sniff test.
Type: Huffing

Fire drill
Desc: An emergency that must be dealt with immediately, if not sooner.
Users: Econobahn rookies
Example: Quickly Cropston! We have a donkey of a fire drill to take care of! Make haste and fetch me the losses in my Q2 Fantasy Football teams. I am going to make sure that I beat the hell out of Throcky boy in Purchasing this quarter.
Type: Dalmation

Release the hounds
Desc: Used to indicate a snag in a given process/plan.
Users: Maxx
Example: Great gods of thunder, Thag! The brass is going to release the hounds when they find out that we swagged the results for the new "Broadband with Every Bagel" sales push.
Type: Mr. Burns

Change gears
Desc: Indicates a change in subject matter
Users: All
Example: Jumping jack rabbits! Mad Hatter, our margins have gone down the crapper. We need to switch gears and focus more on case sensitive product names.
Type: NASCAR

Back burner
Desc: The place where less important projects are 'placed'
Users: All
Example: Crap in a cradle, Levinthon! Your "E"-sparagus online store will never work! You need to put that on the back burner and go help with the "Every SUV needs AOL" campaign.
Type: east coast, stovetop

Circle the wagons
Desc: To prepare for some sort of battle, be it with upper upper management, a looming deadline, or the copy repair man.
Users: All
Example: Ge-hosifat, Cripton, we better circle the wagons before that project falls the hell apart. Type: Western biblical

Jump start
Desc: Making a process start more quickly than normal.
Users: Mgnt
Example: We need to throw more an more money at those leech sales people in order to jump start our 'Dot-E-Dot' shovels
Type: catalyst

Leverage
Desc: stealing the work of someone else so that you don't have to 'reinvent the wheel'
Users: All
Example: Oh, pitty patty to that, Smith. Go leverage the work that Holden did on his 'Internet on a Steering Wheel'
project. Just change the headers and footers.
Type: e-burglars

Marching to the same drummer
Desc: Everyone blindly following a power entity
Users: All
Example: Mein Leibin! We need to make sure all zee staff is going to go to zee "Painting wiz Viteboard Marker" seminar.
I vant everyone to be marching to the same drummer vonce the contest zee starts!
Type: Eh. Trumpets

Visibility
Desc: a five syllable replacement for a one syllable word: see
Users: The "Look at Me! Look At ME! I am SmArT" people
Example: We want to give the fat cats visibility to our moral degredation with hopes to justify a year over year good guy in head count.
Type: Ugh

Optically
Desc: Used to describe something as seen be the eyes or other optical device.
Users: Owls
Example: Dammit to hell Treeston! Can't you see that by providing visibilty to our good guys, we will optically improve our results
Type: Sclera

Blow it Back/Blow it Forward
Desc: The act of expanding or contracting information based on a current dataset.
Users: Employees who need a thrill.
Example: Cripes Leftwhich! Its painfully simple. Take Bob's current analysis on the CyberRebate scam, blow it back to make some summary slides and then blow it forward to make a detail pres file.
Type: Sailboats/TNT

Bridge Monkey
Desc: A person whose main purpose is to explain another person's prior screw up.
Users: Middle to upper management
Example: Crappinoff! I need you to bridge the thing I did with the thing that other guy over there did. Add some bullet points while you are at it.
Type: Busy Churn

Churn
Desc: Dping the same task over and over and over again
Users: Quasi sympathetic management types
Example: Damnit folks. I hate to be the bad cop here and create more churn, but we are going to need to replace all of the numbers in Thacktorn's report so that the net-net is divisble by pi.
Type: Indigestion

Right?
Desc: A word used to close a persons sentence and point. Must be used everyother sentence or more
Users: Know it all front line managers
Example: See here Slenherd. We that north bridge is connected to the chipset, Right? If it wasn't there, right, we would have to bypass the AGP port completely, right?
Type: speech issues

Deliverable
Desc: Fancy word for work
Users: Middle to upper management
Example: Smiity needs to get me those deliverable by COB* EOW** or his ass will be in the crapper!
Type: Fancy/Verbose
Footnote: *COB: Close of Business **EOW: End of Week

Wiggle Room
Desc: The amount of
Users:
Example:
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Shuffle the Deck
Desc:
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Button Down
Desc:
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Smells right out of the shoe
Desc:
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See-Spot-Runnish
Desc:
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Belly Buttons
Desc:
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Mind Share
Desc: The level of attention, measured by a little or a lot, given by upeer management
Users: Hoover Dam Hoaffenrosen! You think those jet setters on the 3rd floor are going to give your Pogo Landing gear system and mind share at the wake of a Janitorial strike?
Example:
Type:

Circle Back
Desc: Reconvening on a decision/converstion at a later point in the day after more fact finding has been done
Users: Up and coming decision makers
Example: Oh hockey pucks Deepackshakhur. Go slap Flanders around for the new rotocraft
specs and we will circle back by COB.
Type: Geometry

Tee it Up
Desc: The act of presenting a new idea or concept to the brass.
Users: Usually used by middle managers directed towards lower level monkeys
Example: Great Scott Squigman! Do you really think our "Internet-In-The-Bathtub" is ready for market? I would recommend we tee that up with Scrigly at our next brain mate meeting.
Type: Tiger Woods